say something

… hey… why didn’t you call me … I thought I’d see you again …

I went out on a date a while back with a really nice girl, a doctor, in fact. She was interesting, friendly, and very nice on the eyes as well. We chatted the night away over a few frosty beverages at a pub that she’d picked out, and then I walked her to her car. I told her I’d had a great time and asked if we could get together again. “Sure,” she replied. “I’m going to Atlanta for the weekend, but next week for sure.”

I gave her a call on the Monday night and left a message. No response. I tried again on Wednesday night. Again, no response. I didn’t hear anything for another week, so I sent her an email to let her know that I understood that she wasn’t interested, but that a simple “thanks, but no thanks” would have been appreciated. That got a response.

“Now I feel like an ass,” she wrote. “I was trying to save your ego.” There was more, but that’s the gist of the email.

Hmm, so instead of simply telling me that you weren’t interested, you decided to leave me in the dark for a week, and make me wonder what you were thinking. And, just how does that save me from taking a hit to the ego? My thinking is that she thought it would be uncomfortable for her and for me. I’d just rather know. People need to learn how to communicate, especially where relationships are concerned. We’d only been on the one date, so it wasn’t a big deal at all. Maybe it’s just me, but I like to be up-front with people, and let them know the situation.

I met a wonderful girl about a week later, so I was actually glad that the doctor put the kibosh on me.

The questions remain however. If you don’t like someone after a first date, do you tell them straight away, or let them work it out for themselves when you don’t contact them? And is one way better on the ego than the other?

5 Replies to “say something”

  1. I’d opt for the “you know, I don’t really think you are the kind of person that I’d lke to hang out with”, but I’m not the kind of person to be terribly concerned about “saving egos”

  2. I must agree with you here. My best friend and I have had this debate a few times now. He told me this story recently where he went out with this girl he met online and he INSTANTLY had no attraction to her (according to him, her pics were far from being close to the real thing). Anyway, not only did he proceed to sit through an entire dinner with her, but he even then proceeded to go to the movies with her. Then he never called her again. I just think that’s wrong. She called a couple of times and e-mailed. He never responded. I told him this poor girl is thinking: wow, I had a really great time with a really great guy….I mean we had dinner and laughed (I’m throwing in the laughter part because I know him and he’s quite charming and funny) and even enjoyed a movie together. So why isn’t he calling???” He said that wasn’t his concern. Once he didn’t return her calls/e-mails, she’d figure it out.

    I’m with you. BE HONEST and UPFRONT!!!

  3. Yeah, but why should she have to have to figure it out? You go through your days/nights wondering whether they’re going to call you, whether you should go out with that other person who asked you out, just wondering what the hell is going on. Why put someone through that uncertainty. I mean, depending on the person and the situation, it might be a couple of days or it might be a couple of weeks before the realization hits home.

    You should just have the integrity and testicular fortitude to let them know. It might be uncomfortable for you, but suck it up, odds are the other person will feel worse than you.

  4. ohhh what a pity you guys were not in Australia – someone has a mobile telephone number with a pre recorded – Sorry dude, but I regretfully inform you that she’s not interested in you.

    or something along those lines lol

    but yeah I agree, how stupid to give your number and then want to see you again… weird…..

    honesty is the best policy!!! 😀

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