tits on a bull

… life … did you answer the question of life … what are we doing here …

I’m not entirely sure how we got there, but I was talking to some friends the other day when the topic of useless things came up. There was one in particular that had us stumped.

Why do men have nipples?

I have no idea. Perhaps it was a birth defect that was inherited down the male side of the tree. Perhaps they are purely for decorative or pleasure purposes. Perhaps there is a really good reason

And what of guys that have extra ones? What’s going on there? Two useless things weren’t enough? Or were they simply born during a buy-two-get-one-free sale?

I think I have to ask someone in a medical role this one. Just for curiosity’s sake, of course.

(1510, June 13 2002) OK, this is scary — a friend of mine sent me an email out of the blue with the answers to my questions. How he knew, I have no idea! Thanks Aaron.

The default template for the human body is inherently female. It’s only with massive spurts of testosterone (at various developmental stages) that a human undertakes the process of developing male brain wiring and physiology. I guess mother nature saw no need to erase the nipples. In fact, we males actually have the latent ability to lactate, if you can believe that one. However, it requires a dramatic hormonal imbalance.

As for > 2 nipples (also occurs in females, it should be noted), I suppose that’s one of those random mutations. Leftovers from eons past, and/or a preview of the future…

(0147, September 19 2002) Hmm, it just gets weirder. This one seems to have struck a chord. Michael submits this url into evidence.

Salon article