jesus jones

… nah nah why don’t you get a job …

I was driving the other day and saw a bumper sticker that said something about the once famous, Jesus, coming back for another go round, and I got to thinking, “What would Jesus do for a living if he came back?” I came up with my own opinion, but then had to ask a few other people.

One friend, N, suggested that he would be a rock star or an actor, because the best way to reach people these days seems to be the media. Another friend, J, who is a comedian, and should have had a funny answer (or so I hoped) thought he’d be a talk show host, again because he could get his message out easily. Or, he thought, he might be a spiritual advisor or healer. I asked a few other people, but don’t remember any of their answers, so they can’t have been all that interesting.

I thought it odd that none of the people that I asked thought he might work within a church of some kind. I guess that his church was still in startup mode when he was around last time, so he’d have to get used to the way that things are organized now. Would the Pope have to answer to him if he came back? What would happen to those priests who like kids in the wrong ways?

Me? What did I come up with? I thought that it would be cool if he was a reality show host. He could start off with 12 contestants, who might be referred to as the disciples. They could have competitions like water-walking, or cross-building, or even fishing or bread-baking. Each week, they’d have a last supper ceremony and whoever didn’t get given a piece of bread, would be kicked out, until at the end, they would be left with one person who could become his apprentice and work for him. They could even give the last four people a job and have them write a new chapter for the bible.

So, what do you think?

(Disclaimer: No, I’m not religious, if it wasn’t obvious. If I’ve offended you in any way then I think you need to lighten up.)

mmm, donuts

… I’m hot, sticky sweet … from my head to my feet …

I stopped in at the local Albertsons on my way home from dinner the other night. The first thing you see when you walk in the door is the Krispy Kreme buffet, only tonight something was very different. There was a swarm of what could have been locusts, but turned out to be EVA Air flight attendants, absolutely picking it dry. There were elbows being thrown and pushing and shoving, even the odd harsh word — ok, not really, but there was some quiet words being said between the pack. My first thought was, “I wish I had a camera.”

I ran into one of the petite, Taiwanese ladies in the milk section. I was getting some fat-free milk. She was getting some Hershey’s chocolate milk — to add to the potato chips, chocolate chip cookies and aforementioned Krispy Kreme donuts that she already had in her basket. “Looks like a healthy dinner,” I quipped. She just looked at me like I was speaking a different language, which I probably was.

The guy at the checkout counter looked down at what I’d bought, so I said, “No Krispy Kremes left.” He laughed and told me that it happened a few nights a week, that they basically clean it out whenever they stop in on their way from the airport to their hotel.