spare a nickel?

… say don’t you remember … I’m your pal … buddy can you spare a dime …

The NBA All-star game is on this weekend, thankfully, not in L.A. Last year when it was here, I tried going to a pub to see the band Buchanan play and stupidly forgot my wallet, which meant I only had $15 in my pocket. Usually, that would get me in the parking lot ($8) and in the door ($6), with a whole dollar to my name, and no beer in my hand! The joys of capitalism fell upon me, however, when I arrived at the usual parking lot to find their going price jacked up to $20. Needless to say, with no street parking to be found, it was a short night.

That’s all kind of irrelevant, but I figured I’d throw it in anyway. My real question is this: why do basketball people call assists, “dimes”? I’ve thought about how it might have come to be, but haven’t come up with anything that might border on being valid. I know, I hear you yelling, “Google is your friend”, but that would just ruin the mystery.

Making nicknames for things, and abbreviating words is pretty common in the sports world, but basketball has some doozies. I remember once hearing someone say that a player hit the three pee jay in two oh tee for the double ewe. Just seems like a waste of thought to me. Oh, translation for those who preferred the sandbox to sports in school — he hit a three point jump shot in double overtime to win the game.

Of course, if I had had some more dimes, nickels, washingtons, jacksons, or even benjamins in my pocket last year, I could have seen the band play.

jesus jones

… nah nah why don’t you get a job …

I was driving the other day and saw a bumper sticker that said something about the once famous, Jesus, coming back for another go round, and I got to thinking, “What would Jesus do for a living if he came back?” I came up with my own opinion, but then had to ask a few other people.

One friend, N, suggested that he would be a rock star or an actor, because the best way to reach people these days seems to be the media. Another friend, J, who is a comedian, and should have had a funny answer (or so I hoped) thought he’d be a talk show host, again because he could get his message out easily. Or, he thought, he might be a spiritual advisor or healer. I asked a few other people, but don’t remember any of their answers, so they can’t have been all that interesting.

I thought it odd that none of the people that I asked thought he might work within a church of some kind. I guess that his church was still in startup mode when he was around last time, so he’d have to get used to the way that things are organized now. Would the Pope have to answer to him if he came back? What would happen to those priests who like kids in the wrong ways?

Me? What did I come up with? I thought that it would be cool if he was a reality show host. He could start off with 12 contestants, who might be referred to as the disciples. They could have competitions like water-walking, or cross-building, or even fishing or bread-baking. Each week, they’d have a last supper ceremony and whoever didn’t get given a piece of bread, would be kicked out, until at the end, they would be left with one person who could become his apprentice and work for him. They could even give the last four people a job and have them write a new chapter for the bible.

So, what do you think?

(Disclaimer: No, I’m not religious, if it wasn’t obvious. If I’ve offended you in any way then I think you need to lighten up.)

tits on a bull

… life … did you answer the question of life … what are we doing here …

I’m not entirely sure how we got there, but I was talking to some friends the other day when the topic of useless things came up. There was one in particular that had us stumped.

Why do men have nipples?

I have no idea. Perhaps it was a birth defect that was inherited down the male side of the tree. Perhaps they are purely for decorative or pleasure purposes. Perhaps there is a really good reason

And what of guys that have extra ones? What’s going on there? Two useless things weren’t enough? Or were they simply born during a buy-two-get-one-free sale?

I think I have to ask someone in a medical role this one. Just for curiosity’s sake, of course.

(1510, June 13 2002) OK, this is scary — a friend of mine sent me an email out of the blue with the answers to my questions. How he knew, I have no idea! Thanks Aaron.

The default template for the human body is inherently female. It’s only with massive spurts of testosterone (at various developmental stages) that a human undertakes the process of developing male brain wiring and physiology. I guess mother nature saw no need to erase the nipples. In fact, we males actually have the latent ability to lactate, if you can believe that one. However, it requires a dramatic hormonal imbalance.

As for > 2 nipples (also occurs in females, it should be noted), I suppose that’s one of those random mutations. Leftovers from eons past, and/or a preview of the future…

(0147, September 19 2002) Hmm, it just gets weirder. This one seems to have struck a chord. Michael submits this url into evidence.

Salon article