blurt

… say can you see … my eyes if you can … then my hair’s too short …

Do the guys on the hair restoration ads really believe that their new crops of follicles actually look real?  Some look like shag carpet, some look like farm forests (if you’ve ever seen a paper farm, with all the trees growing in lines, you’ll know what I mean), some look like ferrets crawled up the guys back and settled in on their cranium.  Regardless of their form, it must be said that almost all look ridiculous.

There are also seemingly numerous companies all claiming to be the “only” proven way to restore natural hair.  Yes, I know, I watch too much TV!  It’s crazy though — I thought that fact-checking was supposed to be done on commercials before they were allowed to be aired.

It’s a good thing that I have plenty of my own hair, or I might be tempted to try one of these out, so my head could make people point and laugh.  Oh, hang on, people do that already, and I didn’t even have to spray-paint my bald spot!

… you walk by and I fall to pieces …

A third certainty, to go along with death and taxes: no matter how many sheets your shredder is supposed to take, it will never be enough. Your shredder will jam.

That is all.

… oh, who are the people in your neighborhood? in your neighborhood? …

Ever noticed just how many extras they seem to have in TV shows? And why are they so busy walking around and not doing anything?

Police shows, hospital shows, office shows… They all seem to have so many people just walking around in the background, crossing in front of other people, but really not actually doing anything. I’ve worked in offices and most people are sitting down actually doing work.

I guess that wouldn’t be as visually interesting for the cameras, and more importantly, the viewers. But honestly, I think I’d be fine with it, I’m supposed to be watching the lead characters after all. They could also save some extra bucks to pay the writers their extra few percent.

… I don’t want no dead end job … don’t wanna be no number …

I spotted this on LinkedIn this morning in someone’s signature:
“Experienced, Professional Virtual Assistant, Certified Professional Resume Writer, and LION”

There are certified professional resume writers? Seriously? How (and probably as importantly, why) does one get certified to write resumes? And what the hell is a professional virtual assistant? How do you pay a tamagotchi?

Now, I live in L.A. where “slashed” job titles are all the rage. You know what I mean, “actress/real estate”, “actress/life coach/motivational speaker”, “actor/construction”, “model/insurance sales” and so on. The “sexy” job is always the first one mentioned, the one that the person really wants to be able to do full-time, but just isn’t good enough at to do.

In a town that has people paid to be “fluffers”, “grips” and “gaffers”, and where casting agents refer to themselves as “artists”, odd job titles are everywhere.

Now all I need to do is find my next one.

… come on … everybody sing … do the right thing …

Although I was a bit late to the party, I watched An Inconvenient Truth a few weeks back. In my post-movie, environmentally-friendly haze, I decided that I’d try and replace all of the light bulbs in my home with compact fluorescent ones. You know, CFLs, those spiral shaped ones that draw little power and last for years and years.

I went to Home Depot the next day and found their massive selection of bulbs. I grabbed some for my outdoor motion-sensor lights, some for my bathroom lights, some for my kitchen, but could not find any bulbs that could be used with three-way lamps or dimmers… in Home Depot! where they have EVERYTHING! So I stopped at Albertsons on the way home — nope, none there either. They still have a big selection of incandescent bulbs, but I’m on a mission here.

I brought home those that I could use and put them in to use. I jumped online to find some dimmable and three-way bulbs. I was shocked and surprised to discover that they’re not that easy to find online either. The only place that I could find that sold what I wanted was an Ace Hardware Outlet in New York. This is crazy, I thought, but I placed an order anyway and as of yesterday, I have a bunch more lights and lamps using the CFLs. So, lesson number one is that these things are tough to find, but that’s not the worst of it.

I have a beef with packaging. The wasted paper and plastic that goes in to the packaging of goods for sale these days is crazy. On top of that is the way they do that hard molded plastic that’s secured by heat-sealing the pieces together into sharp-edged, ridiculously hard to open containers. You NEED a knife or scissors to open them, forget about trying to tear them. You know the ones I mean. Well, the CFL manufacturers, in all their environmentally-friendly wisdom, have decided to use such packaging for their products. I feel like, while I’m trying to do the right thing here, they’re fixing one thing and breaking another. Why not use compact, recycled paper packages, like regular bulbs are packed in? I recognize that the bulbs are a little more fragile, and that due to their contents they need to be secured a little more tightly, but it’s silly that one good move is offset by an equally bad one.

Mr CFL manufacturer, please, rethink your packaging. Mr CFL retailer, please stock more options. Mr Consumer, please do what you can too.

And after this public service announcement, I now return you to your regular schedule. Please move along.